ELEVEN - COP THAT

The Nobsons were at the seaside, Blackpool to be exact, and Nobby had brought along his best mate Tommy Thompson too.  The morning had been one thrill after another - money had slipped through the fingers, food had been wolfed down, the eyes and ears and been deluged with an array of sights and smells - and now, with only a short walk left, the pleasure beach awaited.  

 

The serenity of the sea front stroll and the hustle and bustle of folk, Nobby and Tommy deemed 'aged', was now replaced by screams, roaring laughter and a more youthful crowd as people were tossed this way and that on a variety of contraptions.  Machinery creaked, groaned and whooshed and the whole ambience of the day sped up. The horror of a laughing clown encased in a giant glass-cabinet, with a little doppelganger on his knee, almost hypnotized Tommy and Nobby who were eventually nudged on into the nearby Fun House where a world of madness and escapism ensued.  The boys toppled down a set of shaking stairs, were sent dizzy by a great spinning wheel, made breathless by many trips up and down a huge slide and tossed all ways by a rotating barrel that saw one old dear bravely enter, fall arse over tit and spit out her dentures right into Nobby’s hollering mouth.  This was horrible enough but the sight of an aging woman with knee-cutting knickers exposed and spouting obscenities from a toothless orifice was a little too much to take for the two young tumbling lads.  After having a quick jaunt amid some wobbling barrel towers and running across a jerk and judder floor they asked if it was time to move on, the visions of the flashing OAP were still a little too fresh in the memory.

 

Once outside Nobby noticed that his parents seemed a little unsteady on their feet and kept passing a large bottle of amber liquid back and forth, taking a sip and giggling like silly girls.  Dad’s flies were gaping and one of mum’s blouse buttons had popped open, Nobby was too shy to comment even though Tommy kept nudging him and pointing with a sly smirk.  It was at this point the boys were given their first taste of freedom as each were given a handful of coins and told to entertain themselves for the next couple of hours but to be back at the nearby Noah’s Ark for 5pm prompt.  The boys were tentative, excited and scared but grabbed their coins and dutifully dashed off into a wonderland of thrill.  A Giant Man held aloft a Mono-Rail, animals went into the aforementioned ark two by two, greasy vendors called for people to throw a dart, chuck a ping-pong ball in a fish bowl or, quite dubiously, ‘Pluck a Duck’.  Nobby and Tommy were here, there and everywhere – a ride on the Wild Mouse, a scream-fest on the Derby Racer, a fright-fest on the Ghost Train – it was one unending joy.  As the lads continued to roam one stall caught both their eyes, an opportunity to win a prize and all for the kick of a few footballs.

 

For a paltry fee (a shilling in fact) the boys were given 5 kicks apiece to try and knock down 3 wooden footballers.  The cut-out players were set up in a row of 8 with generous spacing in between and a noticeable weight added to the base.  The oily smirking stallholder took the proffered coinage and let the lads take their chances.  Tommy stepped up first, one ball sent a Man City clad effigy tumbling, the next hoof flattened a Man Utd player, the third hit an Arsenal player flush in the face and the last 2 kicks were used on a rather irate Everton creation who refused to tumble despite a brace of firm connections.  As a prize Tommy chose a rubber King Kong.  Nobby stepped up and took his punts, the first shot went awry and hit the retailer right in the globes, the second and third shots brought success, the fourth was skewed and brought down a heap of stuffed dolls.  The last hoof was directed with firm focus, the face of a Tottenham Hotspur player was hammered, an uncertain wobble followed, and eventually a tumble was had – Nobby was delighted, for his prize he chose a Giant Magnet.

 

Thrilled with their winnings the boys were almost unaware of the charging time.  The clock in the local ‘Have a Laugh Caf’ indicated it was 4.30pm so a quick go on the Dodgems was had and back to the pre-planned meeting point it was.  As the animals went in 2 by 2 to the giant Ark, from nearby a crying old dear was led out of the Hall of Mirrors by an official looking gent whilst Nobbys Dad was being escorted away by a grim-faced policeman.  Nearby were 2 more aged women who were also in a lachrymal state and Nobbys delirious mum who was being held upright by a rather perturbed Policewoman.   It was a puzzling situation, not one the two lads had been expecting – the day it seemed was ending on a somewhat sour note.