FOUR - SCHOOL DAZE

Nobby had been awoken early by an abrasive clanking clock, dragged downstairs and roughly dressed in an outfit he remembered trying on a few months back in a rather stuffy old shop, where lavender-scented women tut-tutted and his mother pushed and shoved him with great critical deliberation.  Brown plastic sandals, grey knee length socks, ball hugging black shorts, grey shirt and jumper and a sickly-orange tie all contributed to a feeling of unease and stomach-fluttering uncertainty.  Crammed into a stiff, seemingly all-consuming Duffel-Coat, a satchel was placed over his shoulder and a flat cap put upon his mop of hair - this was one odd day for Nobby that was for sure.  Apparently he was going to a place called 'school', his Dad was to be his escort as mum was still in bed nursing a sore titty after a recent stay in The Royal Bremner Hospital.  It was a very strange morning indeed and as he was given one last brush down, donated a Club Biscuit for a midday snack it was with doom-laden worry Nobby was marched the 1.4 miles to a place that would be his second home for the next 5+ years.

St Dominant's Infant and Junior School was an imposing place, the building made of cold, unemotional brick and adorned with black, glassy eyes that saw all and judged all.  Within the iron-fenced playground many parents stood waiting, each one clutching the hand of their pale-faced, wary looking offspring, all seemingly cloned and dressed in similar attire.  At the end of the open-tarmac covered grounds lay two shining black doors, doors that loomed large, doors that seemed to hold many answers to many questions.  Nobby pondered the situation, the guts were fluttering, the legs a trifle unsteady, the mouth dry and in need of one of mum's early morning cuppas he was so used to waking up to.

As Nobby drifted off into a reverie of tea-bag fumes and snuggle bed comic reading the escapism was shattered by the discord of a clanging bell.  The doors swung outward as the ears were crudely jarred; an official looking couple made their authoritarian entrance and stood each side of the ominous orifice. At a signal from one of them the parents and children moved forward with focus and disappeared two by two into the awaiting abyss.

Within the confines of the gluttonous maw great fuss ensued in a reverberating chamber that emanated a smell of harsh bleach, sour milk and unwashed feet.  Kids were pushed here and there, jackets and bags removed and hung on a line-of pegs, one of which was labeled Nobby Nobson JR1.  Nobby's coat and bag were duly suspended; he was unceremoniously propelled by his Dad's eager mitts into a growing queue of bewildered kids, given a quick pat on the head with a rather hurried and unconvincing, 'good luck son'.

Eventually 5 rows of children were formed; the parents were gathered at the rear of the room with the 2 officials at the front, now joined by several others.  A few kids found the whole scenario too much, several began to cry, one made a dash for freedom but was quickly apprehended by a hand waiting in the wings, another stood trembling whilst a slow trickle ran down his bare legs, socks and shoes and formed a rather reeking puddle on the floor.  Nobby was now discovering what 'nerves' where, a strange sensation that wasn't too pleasant and which was to make many decisive appearances throughout these embryonic years. With minimalistic statements the shaking and quaking strips of sprouts were guided in 5 different directions, at the head of Nobby's line was a squinting woman known as Miss Phipps.  As our quaking lad marched forth he turned his head to see his Dad give a nervous wave, it was at this point he had a rather warm sensation down below and for some reason his feet felt a trifle moist.

The rest of the day was a blur but Nobby found himself walking home sucking a Penny Arrow, wearing a different pair of duds that imprisoned the old undercarriage with great spite and of a mindset that the ordeal was only a 1 day horror-show and that was indeed that.   Oh what joy it is to be innocent and a little bit stupid!